I can't even believe in myself that I finally hit the publish button and posting my bare face for the world to see. It feels, somewhat, so relieving that I finally break the huge wall of insecurity that I felt all this time. As someone whose 'thing' for so long has been about 'appearance', so this kind of post maybe way too weird, and, probably will make people questioned my reason, and, my reason is simple; I just want to be free by let myself out from the stream, even just for once.

Last night while I was watching #kdrama while you were sleeping, I saw bae susy's face and admired of how natural her beauty is, even without makeup. I believe its every-girl-dream to have that kind of looks; milky white skin, baby face, no wrinkle and acne spots, no eyebag, long leg, and has proportional body which makes the clothes look much prettier. Women like Song Hye Kyo, Shin Min Ah, Raisha, Dewi Sandra, Sandra Dewi, Kendall Jenner, Miranda Kerr, and Gigi hadid, were born naturally flawless, but not everyone were born like that. Some people have to work really hard and even spend a lot of money to be like one of those girls. They go to beauty salon and dermatologist and hurt themselves by putting some chemical thing on their face or by modern tools like laser or dermaroller which make their face bleed. Some even starve themselves by eating only 800calories per day (SNSD did this and look how scrawny they are and people called their body as 'the most ideal'). Some people even do way further by forced themselves to go to the surgery room and refrain the pain from knifes and injection, just to get the pretty looks they always dreamed to have.

They said:

In Korea, most of the women had to end up in the surgery room because they couldn't stand being insulted by some evil people who bullied them by making a hurtful joke about their appearance and called them 'ugly'. lady whose 'under their standard of beauty' are always become an object to be mocked, they even hard to get a job. Living in a place where 'being attractive is the key of success,' make plastic surgery become an obligation for its citizen. It's so unfair and dauntingly terrifying but that's the accurate depiction of how bad the society we are living now. Korea is just an example that I believe will also happen in the world. It's like virus, its spreads across the globe.

People are always divided into three section. Either they choose one of two opposite sides and fight over their arguments, or being neutral and live ignorantly like you don't care about it at all. Although I usually chose the gray side by being neutral because I hate to give arguments that always leads me to debating over something that is literally no way out, but right now I choose to let my voice out and tell you my own perception.

For some people, to be pretty is the only way out to survive. But mostly, they just being insecure, self-loathing, and always feel ugly while in fact they look fine.

The question is... "Whose to blame?"

I used to read fashion magazines and always drooling over the person on the cover; Pretty face, flawless skin, awesome makeup, tall, and perfect body. It's the beauty standard that fashion elites industry put on our society, which makes common people like us feel aware of ourselves. They dictate this idea of perfect girl that finally embedded to peoples brain to think that these kind of features is the most ideal, while in fact that most of us didn't born and live with that kind of features. Their image of 'ideal' woman doesn't represent all women in this world. We born with different kind of body shape, we have different hair colour and skin, we live in different kind of languages, we basically a different colony that lives in a same roof. The definition of the ideal beauty itself is universal, it always depend on personal taste, but media narrowing the option by represent what they think about beauty.

Even now, we found ourselves daily feed our brain with a bunch of pretty girls over the internet, which make ourselves feel more insecure because they comes from real people. If they couldn't make it, they fake it. They put beauty filter and post it on social media to make everyone (and themselves) believe that their face meets the standards of beauty, or , to get some compliment, or else, to avoid someone from commenting them badly.

I admit to the basic human desire to be attractive because I also do feel the same way. It would be a big lie if I tell you that I never get trapped into this idea. The reason may not always because we wanted the world to see by signing ourselves to be fit in, but only for ourselves and no one else.

The amazing thing about being 30something is that life wasn't in blurry motion anymore. Life is much clearer to me, even though it always come in black and white, but I can see where my life is heading to, what kind of life I wanted to live, and I'm more confident with who I am, and put no other persona other than being myself.

Allah says, 
"If you are grateful, I will surely increase you (in everything)."

Love yourself more.

How many times did we see ourselves in the mirror and said 'alhamdulillah'? We still have two healthy eyes, our nose can smells, our tongue can taste, we can talk and makes sound, we can walk, and move our body to work. We, sometimes, must cultivate our sense of empathy by looking at someone who's living this life under difficult circumstances. Some people couldn't even walk, see, and hear things. They cannot socialize well and need someone's help to do things they needs to do.

Human desire are limitless but the power to reach it is always limited. Human are insatiable weak creature. They asked for mountain but after they get the mountain they asked for the bigger one. They said that never satisfied with something is a good sign of success but I think it also a sign of unhappiness. The answer probably lie on yourself. Be more grateful of who you are. You are unique and precious, and no one in this world has a same personality as you.


  1. Still beautiful as it is. Your lips' shape looks so unique! And I wonder what beauty products you used, you have good skin. And if you don't mind, how old are you? I'm a consistent viewer of your blog by the way, and this is the first time I'm dropping a comment here, hehe...

  2. All the way from Philippines ✈


Blog Widget by LinkWithin